the effect of going home alone

There are some instances or moments in your day when you just feel so alone in the world that everything seems have no meaning to you. You look at your shadow walking with your body but you don’t ask the usual curious questions like “why do we have shadows?” and the like. No, you just look at it and accept it as a fact of life. Now, where was all the zest I once had with these common things? I have no idea. I guess, I’m also tired of asking questions that are left unanswered. The purpose of life and why we crave to succeed in this life are few of those unanswerable questions that possibly every human in the world asks himself or herself.

When you are alone. Then what?? One of the ideologies of people is that loners are losers and are part of the lonesome club if there was one. But isn’t being alone a great experience? For me, sometimes, it is. But what I don’t like about it is that one would suddenly come to realizations that are dumbfounding. Why do we live,as in, go through life in the first place if all of it stops at our death? The impacts we once had with other people fray itself only to memories. So what? Do we live to be remembered by the people we leave? Through time the people who had memories of us would also vanish. So what’s the use?

In an unselfish perspective, we live for other people who depend on us: our loved ones. But in a selfish outlook, what?? Why do we have to accomplish all these things to profit our livelihood. This so-called profitable livelihood would only be passed to the next generation. You don’t get anything. Are we such living things to do all these accomplishments to survive the various levels of life: childhood, puberty, adulthood, middle age, old age?

Today, I just walked and walked without much thought on where to go and how to go home. I just walked. Everything has always the same. There’s some casual bastos people. There’s the usual heat, the usual smoke, the usual filth. There’s the usual buildings, the billboards, the roads. Am I just an empty soul walking the usual paths? I,personally, have no idea.