HAPPINESS

–noun

1.	the quality or state of being happy.

2.	good fortune; pleasure; contentment; joy.

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[Origin: 1520–30; happy + -ness]

—Synonyms 1, 2. pleasure, joy, exhilaration, bliss, contentedness, delight, enjoyment, satisfaction. Happiness, bliss, contentment, felicity imply an active or passive state of pleasure or pleasurable satisfaction. Happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good: the happiness of visiting one's family. Bliss is unalloyed happiness or supreme delight: the bliss of perfect companionship. Contentment is a peaceful kind of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified: contentment in one's surroundings. Felicity is a formal word for happiness of an especially fortunate or intense kind: to wish a young couple felicity in life.

—Antonyms 1. misery.


BLISS
–noun

1.	supreme happiness; utter joy or contentment: wedded bliss.

2.	Theology. the joy of heaven.

3.	heaven; paradise: the road to eternal bliss.

4.	Archaic. a cause of great joy or happiness.

—Idiom

5.	Slang. bliss out, a. to experience bliss or euphoria: Just give them some bean sprouts and a little tofu and they bliss out. b. to cause to become blissful or euphoric: a recording guaranteed to bliss out every Mozart fan.

I want to be happy and be the cause for bliss

only you

I believe in the fact that a person who had caused pain for you is the only person who can
lift up that pain from you. Yes,maybe your friends could lift up those negative feelings
but it's still different if the person who hurt you said 'I'm sorry' or 'I still care for
you'. It's different.

It may be hard for that person because such things as hurting people are not curable
instantly. For that person,he/she must go through some realizations and effort of making
amends in order for him/her to salvage the feelings that he/she had crushed. It really is
hard for that person because they have to realize too that they ARE the only one who is
capable of making the person who they have hurted happy. After all, if you hurt someone you
cared for, it might be bearable if you lose contact with that person forever. Right? Such
things do have their heavy main points, but the main thing is YOU are the only person who
could EVER cure the hurt.

It is such a very vague perspective, but I do believe in such because I want to have that
experience in my life now and vice versa.c

new year

This year has been definietly a new year for me. Perhaps, because I realized many things
that was happening in my life that was so wrong. I didn't have self-confidence. i let people
get to me psycologically therefore making me look down on myself.

Recently, I heard from my theo prof that suffering comes from the imagination but the feeling
of suffering was very real. If one is suffering one must think that others have felt the same
way, but if you see someone suffering you should treat is as a unique feeling. I guess my
other classmates didn't care about this topic, but i really was taken aback by what she said.

It was the truth. All my suffering are based on my imagination. I always hear my friends
complementing other people and somehow I got to the point that i always see other people as
greater than me. This was not real because I am no lesser than them. My mispersception made
suffer. I was too optimistic of other people and too pessimistic of myself.

I remember after high school I promised myself to never be affected of what others think of
me, but i guess it was a hypocrital thought for me. It was stupid. A person would never be
not affected by others because whether we hide it or not, we do have a heart. I thought I
was finally proud of myself but in reality I was not. I was continuously trying to reach up
to the standards that other people specially the people who i like romantically. If he
complains that I'm too conservative, I try my best not to be. If he says that I'm not sweet
enough, I try to get sweet and thoughtful.

This was so wrong. I was losing my identity that I loved. I thought that I was just
compromising because I thought that he was right. I didn't stop to think if it was for the
good of me. Sure, our relationship would get better but I would be losing who I was. I
don't blame that person though. I blame myself for being too insecure of myself. i should've
fought for myself. I should have considered myself first if I was what he thought me to be.
I am so pathetic.

My insecurities of what I am is one of my greatest weakness. Maybe because I was never
complimented in my family? No, it's another excuse. I'm just weak minded. I will not make
role models of others anymore. I will build myself to be my own role model.

I feel ugly. I feel rejected. I feel fat. I feel betrayal. I feel sick. I feel stupid.

I'm feeling what I shouldn't be feeling because this is unhealthy. My friends say its in my head and I should move on. I try yet I fail. I feel alone like nobody would be able to
understand what I'm going through. Somebody even told me to get a shrink. Should I? Why is
that I'm going insane. Why do I feel so uncntent in my life? I want to be rich, beautiful
and be loved, but I don't feel those things. Perhaps I'm ridiculous in the first place to
want all those things, but even if I told that to myself, I still feel it. I still feel
lonely because I don't get what I want. Are these all in my head? I keep asking myself that.

At school, I always see others which are materialization of what I want to become. I want to be intelligent, pretty, and loved by others. I keep asking myself..do I have fewer friends than them because I wasn't friendly enough and so I can't join their wagon? am I not pretty enough for myself only and not to others? I hear people complementing me yet sometimes I
just shrug it off because they know me. Am I that a doubtful person?

Honestly, it was only during college when I felt this alone. I don't know why. Maybe I
wasn't able to mesh with other people enough to have new friends. Is this just simply a
fact of life or am I really bound to be alone in college? God..I really feel so alone right now. I'm so depressed.

Are all of this pressure my imagination? I hope so. I feel so depressed. I don't know if I'm just pushing myself too hard. I just want to have a fairy tale life. This is insane..I don't know what's happening to me.

Sunday Morning Call

here's another sunday morning call
yer hear yer head-a-banging on the door
slip your shoes on and then out you crawl
into a day that couldn't give you more
but what for?

and in your head do you feel
what you're not supposed to feel
you take what you want
but you won't get it for free
you need more time
cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
but i'm not sure if it ever works out right
but it's ok. it's all right

when yer lonely and you start to hear
the little voices in your head at night
you will only sniff away the tears
so you can dance until the morning light
at what price

and in your head do you feel
what you're not supposed to feel
you take what you want
but you won't get it for free
you need more time
cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
but i'm not sure if it ever works out right
but it's ok. it's all right

and in your head do you feel
what you're not supposed to feel
you take what you want
you don't get hope for free
you need more time
cos your thoughts and words won't last forever more
and i'm not sure if it'll ever, ever, ever work out right
will it ever, ever, ever work out right?
cos it never, never, never works out right

Panaginip

Para sa minamahal minahal mamahalin
Ang akdang ito ay isang bangungot panaginip pangarap
Walang sasay ngunit naiisip pa rin
Nabubulabog
Mangyayari ba tlga ang nais?

Ako'y lilipad hahanapin bibisita
Sa isang brilyanteng aking kinapupusuan
Sa pagkatagpo..hihinga pipikit hihinga ulit ng maingat
Hahamaking mapasarili muli
Ang brilyanteng aking kinapupusuan
Hahamaking mapanatili pa rin
Itong brilyanteng aking kinapupusuan

Ngunit mahirap..ewan ko..napakahirap
Dahil hindi ito naangkin
Paiba-iba ito ng hugis at itsura
Minsa'y nagpapalit din ng pangalan
Hindi talagang malalaman kung anung tamang gawin

Nakita ko na ang brilyanteng aking kinapupusuan
May kausap..nakangiti..
Tila wala na talagang pahid ng pagkatao ko
Bumalik na yata sa dating hugis at itsura bago pa man siyang natagpuan
Bumalik sa dati ang pangalan
Puso'y biglang nasaksak nanghihingalo namamatay
Puso'y ding nangarap

"Baka kulang pa nga ang nakikita. Tama."

Susubukang tingnan mabuti hanggang ang kasalungat ang nangyari
Siya na ang tumitingin
Palapit na
Humigpit ang hawak sa kuwintas na tila agimat
dahil may kapangyarihan nga ito
Bubukas ang labi
Magsasalita..kakausapin ang pinagmasdang babae..
At walang narinig ang babae

Para sa minamahal minahal mamahalin
Ang akdang ito ay isang bangungot panaginip pangarap
Walang sasay ngunit naiisip pa rin
Nabubulabog
Mangyayari ba talaga ang nais?

To look and see?

There are times when you come to realize that no one could ever understand what goes inside mind of the people around you. Psychology and sociology may perhaps help you define the source of their ways of thinking and behavior,but when it comes to making friends, understanding the situation of other people, and other such things. These sciences would not help you that much. Its because the explanations is too general and has to encompass a person's background,lifestyle, friends, family, school, personality, etc. Without considering all these things, being a psychologist and sociologist would be worthless because they themselves experience insecurities,get influenced by their peers, and have troubles with their not-so-good family. My point is that all of us humans stand on the same ground.

I always feel helpless whenever I can't understand a loved one or vice versa. For me, it's the root of all arguments. Today, my theology prof said that love was not blind. It is when you see something, a potential, in the soul of your loved one. Now, is this a form of special understanding? Or as others would say, stupidity? If I understood more,would everything become simple, black and white and so forth? Would I be able to satisfy everyone even myself?

It's a mystery...