fact of life

You don't get everything you want.

That's what reality always have, had, will implement on everybody's lives. Perhaps, this is the reason why
contentment is the word that's very hard to find specially these days where capitalism and globalization has
further widened those "worldly attractions". Selfishly speaking, I want every materialistic and non materialistic things. I want to be loved. I want to get rich. I want to be idolized. But such things are nearly impossible to achieve likewise in short term. You really don't get everything you want.

So what do you do with your current resources/loved ones? You cherish them with all your heart. You don't complain why you only have them. You love them. Although I'm ashamed to say that I don't get to show my appreciation to my family, inside I do appreciate them. My character was molded by both learning and observing their actions and experiences. Without them, I might as well be a scared little fragmented soul. Well not really,but I would be defenseless against those peer pressures, bad vices, etc. I became a goody goody because of them.

Also, there's those people you also have who share your experiences first-hand: your friends. In other terms, they could be described as your partners-in-crime. Of course, we don't do bad stuff; but we do have those 'kalokohan' days wherein we're so lucky that no one else knows about it. They're your safety net when you have those problems. They're just a call away.

Then there comes my boyfriend who I called my 'baby' even though I'm not his mum. Yes, I'm not with him;but somehow he's also with me all the time when I sleep, when I go to school, or when I go out with friends. Although I don't get everything I want becauseof it's being a long-distance relationship, somehow it's been enough for me to know that I'm also being remembered and loved the same way that I'm with him. Distance and time may block our communication sometimes, but these factors wouldn't hinder me from him that long. There's always a way around it. I know so.

You don't get everything you want, but you can atleast do something to be cherish what you have.

the effect of going home alone

There are some instances or moments in your day when you just feel so alone in the world that everything seems have no meaning to you. You look at your shadow walking with your body but you don’t ask the usual curious questions like “why do we have shadows?” and the like. No, you just look at it and accept it as a fact of life. Now, where was all the zest I once had with these common things? I have no idea. I guess, I’m also tired of asking questions that are left unanswered. The purpose of life and why we crave to succeed in this life are few of those unanswerable questions that possibly every human in the world asks himself or herself.

When you are alone. Then what?? One of the ideologies of people is that loners are losers and are part of the lonesome club if there was one. But isn’t being alone a great experience? For me, sometimes, it is. But what I don’t like about it is that one would suddenly come to realizations that are dumbfounding. Why do we live,as in, go through life in the first place if all of it stops at our death? The impacts we once had with other people fray itself only to memories. So what? Do we live to be remembered by the people we leave? Through time the people who had memories of us would also vanish. So what’s the use?

In an unselfish perspective, we live for other people who depend on us: our loved ones. But in a selfish outlook, what?? Why do we have to accomplish all these things to profit our livelihood. This so-called profitable livelihood would only be passed to the next generation. You don’t get anything. Are we such living things to do all these accomplishments to survive the various levels of life: childhood, puberty, adulthood, middle age, old age?

Today, I just walked and walked without much thought on where to go and how to go home. I just walked. Everything has always the same. There’s some casual bastos people. There’s the usual heat, the usual smoke, the usual filth. There’s the usual buildings, the billboards, the roads. Am I just an empty soul walking the usual paths? I,personally, have no idea.