Saturday, April 29, 2006

Bigatin ang Pagkakaibigan

Friendship or should I say companionship is one of those things that you must cherish in the span of your short life. It is something serious that has its corresponding struggles and joy. You don’t just throw it away.

This is why I don’t get close with somebody that I know would not have an impact in my life. I usually ignore them and show only my shallow side, the one who always laughs and jokes around with everybody because I know that whatever friendship we would have wouldn’t last long. Sometimes, some ‘makulit’ people would permeate my standards; but usually I choose my friends wisely.

Right now, I’m getting ‘nanghihinayang’ to a friendship that has impacted my life. I can say that I did give effort for it not to just fade away. I don’t know if I should just give up and let it bury itself only in my memories. I want to relive it, but the other party is not cooperating. *sigh*

Well, I do hope that this blossoming friendship I’m having now would live until my old age.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

me likee PBB =P

During my second sem, as usual, we were asked to write a research paper for our english class. Although my memories about that darn paper was hell, I have come to realize it's productivity in a sense of my brain gaining knowledge about certain things that I never knew impacted my life so much. It's about having 'identification' with the people on tv. At first, I thought that it was just some crap psychologists made up to scare people. I mean, it's unlikely for people to be 'hypnotized' by a show and mentally float and become the character dba?

Well..I was wrong, sort of.

I happened to watch PBB and I've got to admit. I was hypnotized @_@ hahaha. All I can say is that I cried when they cried. Almost all of them had their own family and financial problems. With my background, I was able to relate and somehow it made me realize that I'm not alone in the world with this burden.

Natuwa ako sa show. Natuwa din ako sa peeps dun. There was this guy who said something about making other people laugh being his source of joy in his life. I had my own version of course, but ewan ko ba..somehow I was revived kasi may kapareha pala ako mag-isip?=p I know what he meant by those words. For me, the smiles of people give me encouragement to go on with my struggle in life. Their smiles also comfort me in a way because indirectly I have caused them to smile. Hindi lang ako walang kwenta. I'm not just a helpless person who is unable to give happiness to other people. So if ever I fail to trigger a smile from someone, I feel so sad because..un nga, hindi ko magawa ang isang napakasimpleng bagay lang panu ko magagawan ng solusyon yung mga problema diba?

Basta, I'm just glad that I'm not alone with these problems.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

30 minute poem

Just something I wrote yesterday when I was feeling sad. This is actually what I've been feeling recently. I've tried countless times to write a blog about my feelings, but somehow IT materialized into a poem. Here it goes..

I am a dead soul walking through the noise of life
Events unfold and I become numb
To hurt, joy… emotions that once sufficed
Now my eyes only see the tomb
A lake that mirrors the dark empty orb
Hovering..fading to give way to the sun
Its brightness frightening
Yet I know it has begun
Another day of loneliness
Those tiresome days of fake smiles and laughter
I wake up for nothing else
But continuous bitterness, a bicker

Once I had my escape
My savior shading the truth of everything
Recently he left with a flap of his cape
No turning back, nothing…
I am left without a dreamer’s dream
A cake without the sweetness of icing


O drown me in the lake until my voice fades away..


Friday, April 14, 2006

Five ways to holiness

I’m not trying to annoy anyone belonging to some religion by writing this but I’m really getting pissed at those people who take the Bible too literaly. Yes, I do agree that YOU have to take it literally sometimes, but the people I know are taking it to heart so much that what they profess to be “holy” is becoming ridiculous.

Here’s an example session at our house when my sister’s “sister in the church” came up today to do their weekly bible study. Their topic was: How to achieve holiness. Anyways, their study concentrated on the physical aspects that one should have to be considered as holy.

(1) Women shouldn’t wear pants because it is a man’s clothing.
Now how is she sure that pants ARE men’s clothing? In the old times, the people wore robes right? From what I know, prostitutes wore pants in the Old Testament. I’m not sure about this though. Nevertheless, it still opposes whatever bullcrap she said. When my little brother asked why they were so strict about this, she just said “E ayaw mo naman maging bakla diba? Ang lalaki na sumosuot ng palda ay bakla samantalang ang babaeng sumusuot ng pantalon ay tomboy” Hearing this, I was like WHAAT?? Ang layo ah..

(2) Women shouldn’t wear jewelry
Her logic of this statement is very very weird. You shouldn’t wear jewelry because it says in the Bible that women should focus on being virtuous and not on beautification. Yes, she does have a point on this; but she added something that was totally out of range. She said, “Makikita naman na ayaw ng Diyos ang magsuot ng kababaihan ng mga jewelry dahil mananakawan lang ang mga taong may suot ng mga hikaw, kuwintas, pulseras…” Hay naku, I mean so ganun pala kaya naging bawal magjewelry ang mga babae kasi mananakawan?

(3) Women should not wear make-up because it covers your natural beauty
She said here that women who wear make-up are “makasalanan” because by wearing make-up, women are actually rejecting their natural beauty which was given by God. It is a sin to do this. Kahit anong line daw sa face, it is bad. Then my brother said, “Panu na yan kung patay na? Nilalagyan ng make-up yun dba? Sino na ang may kasalanan?” Her answer was, “ Edi yung taong naglagay ng make-up” So I was thinking, make-up artists and plastic surgeons should go to hell. Hahahahaa =P Ok, not me but I’m thinking that she seriously hates those beauticians in salons. The next part would show how against she is with them.

(4) Women should have long hair
This statement, I think, is already considered as an old saying, however, grabe nanaman ang sinabi niya “Hindi dapat pinuputulan ang buhok dahil ang ibig sabihin ng ‘long’ in the first place ay ‘uncut’” Well, I don’t know much about the origins of the word ‘long’; but she’s taking the word much too literally. She said that even if the hair grows 10 ft or so it’s still ok basta it’s uncut daw. Yuck. I could just imagine her hair brushing against her butt while she’s giving birth to her brown babies in the cr. Ayayayaay…And she also said about the hair having life but not growing because my sister was wondering why the sister’s hair stopped growing. Such a complex rthing to say. I don’t know why di nagets ng sister ko yun but diba? Kapag you don’t cut your hair for a very long time mamamatay siya diba? And dahil patay paano na siya hahaba e patay na nga. Kaya nga when you want to grow your hair you should have it trimmed monthly.

(5) Physical baptism can erase all your sins
Now this is a bit controversial among various religious sects, but again her logic is comical. “Sasabihin mong lawasa ang tubig na ginamit sa iyong baptismo diba ngunit hindi mo ba napapansin na ang lawasa na iyan ay galing sa Diyos? Galing ang tubig na yan sa natural na kalikasan. Iyan ang ibinigay ng Diyos sa ating mga makasalanan para malinis ang ating mga kasalanan at para maging banal tayo” And then my sister said, “ E panu na yan? Araw-araw tayo gumagawa ng kasalanan? Ano yun? Paulit-ulit tayo magpabaptise?” “Oo”

hahahahaa, funny dba? All throughout this so-called bible study, I was like grabe ano ba ito? My sister was wide-eyed and listening to the “sister in the church” once in a while saying “Panu na yan?” “Patay! Kakabili ko lang ng ganito ganyan. Bawal pala?” Tsk. Tsk. Ayaw makinig sa akin tapos naniniwala naman sa ganyan. It just goes to show how fast people are fooled by the religious leaders. Hanep.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

kisapmata

i found this song just now and i was like woah..i can sooo relate to this song. actually, i know this song already, but i haven't really seen the lyrics. Basta, this song was like talking to me. grabe talaga...

Nitong umaga lang, pagka lambing-lambing
Ng iyong mga matang hayup kung tumingin
Nitong umaga lang, pagka galing-galing
Ng iyong sumpang walang aawat sa atin

O kay bilis naming maglaho ng
Pag-ibig mo sinta, daig mo pa ang isang kisapmata
Kanina’y nariyan lang o ba’t bigla namang nawala
Daig mo pa ang isang kisapmata.

Kani-kanina lang pagka ganda-ganda
Ng pagkasabi mong sana’y tayo na nga
Kani-kanina lang, pagka saya-saya ng buhay kong
Bigla na lamang nagiba

I've been TRICKED!

i just realized that grey was actually byron!!

the hell??!

wala talaga magawa sa buhay itong mokong na ito!

Anyways, there's a real UNKNOWN person who wants to be my textmate again. i saved his number as 'loko loko' because i think he/she is a lunatic.

what the hell is happening to the world these days??? textmates?? diba jologs na yun??

Friday, April 07, 2006

weird text message

Just the other day, I received a text message coming from an unknown person. He asked if I wanted to be his text mate. Since I was bored to death, I agreed to be his textbud. This was how the conversation went..

Grey: Hi Dianna!(grrr..I hate it when people give me the wrong spelling) do you want to be my textm8?
Me: cnu 2?
Grey: i'm Grey frm MaSci. I hope that you don't mind me toking 2 u?
Me: oki. wla nmn gngawa e. hw did u gt my n0. b?
Grey: i gt ur n0. from my friend's friend's friend. I was asking my frend in admu if he knew any reasonable gurl in admu nd it led 2 u

By this time, i was freaked out. Am I supposed to be flattered? the hell?! i have to call gi to calm myself. do guys really do that?
"Pare, I need a reasonable girl. Do you know one?"
"Wait lang pare, I think may friend akong may kakilala na ganun..O eto this is her number..she's..."
Is this normal???

Me: frm wat schl r u?
Grey: i stdy at UP BAA
Me: i mean, frm wat HS?
Grey: Manila Science..u?
Me: grace christian
Grey: i heard dat ur frm the star sec. i'm sure dt ur gud in math (I'm now thinking who from my acquaintances gave him my number. Imposible kung from invictus. They know I'm not good in math=p)
Me: no,mediocre lng. bt i try to be gud at it.
Grey: i dnt think so. um, im going to fetch my mom at rockwell. it ws nice toking 2 u.
Me: ah oki, bye

And that's how the conversation ended. I don't know. Feel ko niloloko lang ako. Anyways, text lang naman dba? no harm will come to me. He's at UP naman e. And it's been two days since he texted me. So no worries..haha=p

Thursday, April 06, 2006

my friends (moi familia)

You could say that I'm a demanding friend. I crave for attention. I want that friend to say that I'm special to them blah blah blah. Yes, I do get 'konsensya' for being like this. I try to control myself, but sometimes I still become selfish.

My excuse: They are my only loved ones

Yes, I do have my family but they are like strangers to me. My parents are always absent. During dinner where we could have bonded with each other, the scraping of utensils and munching would only be heard because my parents would get angry if someone talks. They say it's a waste of time. In the rare instances where there would be talking going on the table, it would be because they are scolding us. What a great way to utilize dinner time diba?

Now with my siblings, I would also call them strangers. I seldom talk to them. Believe it or not, I get shy when I talk to my sister and brother. I can't talk with my little brother and sister naman because they don't understand what I'm talking about. They would just ask me what are the meaning of the words I'm using (which I have no idea why. I have a low level of vocabulary) like concern, luxurious, blah blah blah

As you can see, friends are the only people I could have a connection too. I get hurt when they don't spend their time with me, but I have to understand that they have their families and 'kasintahan' to think about. Well ,I guess, not everyone is blessed with all the good things in life.
Oh well..

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

first thoughts after waking up

Today, i woke up at 8:15 am. It was always the same routine. I would look up at my cellphone, see if somebody remembered me, and be sad because there was none.

You know it's getting frustrating how I always get up early in the morning DURING vacation. I always wake up in the range of 7-9 am. I'm already contemplating if I have a sleeping disorder or something. If insomiacs can't sleep. What do you call me? I can sleep anytime during the night,but my waking time would still be the same. I could sleep at 3 am but still wake up at 7am without effort.

Because of this, I'm awake for a great deal of time like 16 hours??!! Whatever you have planned for the day, I'm sure, would be less than 16 hours. So the result of my days is that I would get bored as in to the max!

Now during these times, I begin to reflect on things.

You know it hurts me to think that the person that I had made special in my life doesn't think the same of me. I mean, you are ready to do anything for that person and that person is just taking you for granted. shet dba? Parang that person is just ignoring you when you need that person, but you never ignore that person naman when the situation is reversed. Kahit na busy ka or something, you would never ignore that person because that person is special to you. That person had impacted your life to the point that that the person is part of who you are now.

What's even more frustrating is that you can't do anything to change that person, and you just can't stop yourself from caring for that person. Your emotions can't be controlled by the mind anymore because you made your emotions run free.

O what a lonely morning...